


The Reason I Stay

by bloodofinnocence



Series: accepting and rejecting (revived) [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Art School, Art, Best Friends, Coming of Age, Friendship, M/M, Probably happy ending, casual mentions of suicide, frank falls on his face in front of his girl crush and hes really cute, gerard is an emo what else is new, tw for emetophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6361576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodofinnocence/pseuds/bloodofinnocence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Up there on the head of the stupid statue, waving his arms around like a maniac, he looked like he might fly away any second now.<br/>A tiny smile fought its way to Gerards face. "Don't you ever get tired of life?"<br/>Frank threw his head back and his laugh was loud and bright. "Never!"</p><p> <br/>A story about friendship, art and being alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Double Dots

**Author's Note:**

> no promises for this one lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternative title: "Thank God We're Not In Utah"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TD means Technical Drawing, as in "the act and discipline of composing drawings that visually communicate how something functions or is to be constructed".

Tiny drops landed on the windows.

Gerard heard the exact moment it started because class was silent. They had gotten a worksheet to fill out and everybody was concentrating to get the answers right in case Mrs Bridgford collected them for a grade.

Gerard couldn't concentrate at all.

The trees outside swayed in the wind. He pushed a strand of hair out of his eyes. The drops grew bigger.

He looked down at his worksheet. The letters seemed to run into each other, like they got flooded away along with their meaning by the rain outside.

He wanted to leave. He drew a raindrop in the corner of the paper. 

Sharp at the top, round and thick on the bottom. Another small drop inside for the light.

He sighed quietly. How much he'd love to just seep down into the ground like water right now.

He drew a sad face into the drop. Now it even looked like him, he thought.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please finish up," Mrs Bridgford said before standing up and stalking through the rows. Her heels clicked obnoxiously on the linoleum. "I'd like to collect the papers from Miss Mundy, Miss Underhill, Mr Kendall, Miss Trethaway and Mr Lothamer. Whoever thinks they did well too can submit their paper voluntarily."

Relieved sighs sounded and quiet conversations started. Gerard did not feel relieved.

The students in question handed their worksheets to Mrs Bridgford one after another. The last student though, Chris, he looked terrified.

"Class is dismissed," Mrs Bridgford said, and on his way to Print class Gerard saw him run to the bathrooms in such a hurry that he walked into the wrong one.

Poor soul, he thought, but he kept walking.

 

Frank was waiting for him halfway there. "How was TD?"

"I want to die," Gerard responded. "And I think Chris is throwing up in the girl's bathroom right now."

Frank scrunched up his nose. "Poor soul," he said. "I think I still got some Nauzenes in my backpack. You wanna go check on him?"

Gerard shrugged. "If you do."

"I do."

 

Gerard asked Mandy if she could check out the bathroom and warn the other girls about their entrance, but it seemed like Chris did the job of evacuating already, judging by the absence of girls and the retching sounds that came from the third stall.

Frank knocked softly on the stall door. "Chris? Is that you?"

"Uh-hu," responded a hoarse voice.

Gerard cleared his throat. "I don't know if you noticed, but you're in the wrong bathroom."

"That's why there's a trash can in here... makes sense now," Chris mumbled from inside. "I thought they finally renovated the stalls, but I guess we all know the chances."

Frank snorted.

Gerard said, "Hey, can we come in? Uhm, we got you pills and .. uh, I think I got some water on me somewhere."

The lock on the stall clicked and Frank stepped into the small space.

Gerard stayed leaning on the door and inspected the kneeling boy leaning against the wall. He was pale and glistening with sweat, his brown hair sticking to his forehead in strands. Next to him in the toilet was his lunch in smoothie form. "At least you had a good aim."

"Shut up."

Frank kneeled down next to the guy and pushed two pink pills in his hand. Gerard pulled out a bottle of iced green tea and handed it over.

"Thanks," Chris said while munching the tablets, clutching the plastic bottle in his sweaty hands.

"What's got you so fucked up, man?" Frank asked after he had washed his mouth with the tea and drank half of the bottle.

Chris pressed his palms agains his eyes and shrugged. "I don't know, fuck, it's just that I completely fucked up the stupid TD paper. Which isn't even bad, 'cause who even cares about lines with double dots?" Gerard couldn't agree more with this. "But recently I've failed a fuck ton of tests and my parents are fucking mad and they're gonna send me to some military school if I don't get back on at least Cs, I fucking bet."

"Dude, calm down," Frank said, "your parents won't send you to a military school, what the fuck."

Gerard nodded. "We're not in Utah, man."

"Thank god we're not," Chris said, "or my ass would be roasted right now."


	2. Coffee Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're _what?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao seems like double dots was the chapter of my decade. back to writing shitty short stories now c u l8r

"Two coffees please, black. Oh, and one of those cookies." Gerard pointed to the huge, round, chocolate-y baked goods behind the glass display.

"Which size the coffee?" the barista asked. She was about his age, black hair put up in a ponytail and red lipstick, punk all around. Her name tag said Lindsey, but the _dsey_ was scribbled out, and there was an extra line through the _i_ which made it look like a _y_.

"Big, tall, huge, _grande_ , whatever you coffee people call it nowadays," he smiled.

Lyn grinned. "I got you, sweetie," she said and got to work.

Gerard looked around the coffee shop. There weren't many people around on a Wednesday afternoon. A few students were doing homework at the big table and two young women chatted away on a couch.

A bearded man stared out of the window. Just as Gerard was about to look away, he turned around and for a short moment their eyes met. The man smiled. Gerard smiled back.

Sure enough, in the far corner infront of the huge windows sat his brother, busy with his phone and obviously waiting for his coffee.

Lyn's voice brought him back to the counter. "There we go, two big, tall, grande coffees, black, and a triple chocolate chip cookie. Makes 3 dollars and 40 cents."

Gerard smiled as he pulled a five dollar bill out of his baggy jeans and replies, "You forgot _huge_ , but don't worry, I won't rat you out to your boss. This time," he added.

She laughed. "I'll give my best next time," she winked at him before he made his way through the tables and chairs.

As he came closer, Mikey looked up from his smartphone to wave at him. "Hey, thanks," he said and made grabby hands.

Gerard faltered. "Thanks for what?" he asked, confused. "Oh, for the coffee? Uhm, sorry," he added, "but I got them both for myself."

Mikey's eyebrows creased, and he said, "Oh, fuck you."

Gerard laughed. He sat down and pushed one cup over before breaking the cookie in half. Mikey took the other half thankfully.

"So, how was school?", Gerard asked.

Mikey shrugged while chewing, "Fine, I guess. Pete brought a cat to school for some reason and they let it roam the classrooms, but then it threw up fur balls in history. Mr Harisson made him bring it to the secretary for the rest of the day."

"Where the fuck did Pete get a cat from?" Gerard snorted, because giving Pete a pet is probably something Peta fights against. Pete vs Peta. Wow.

Mikey held up his hands in bewilderment. "I don't know! Don't ask me, I just heard that there were fire crackers involved. But you know the trustworthiness of High School students."

Gerard nodded. "Fair enough."

Mikey nodded as well. They drank their coffee.

Gerard looked around. The students were packing up their things. He could see Lyn behind the kitchen doors, drinking a cup of coffee herself.

 The clicking of Mikey typing on his phone brought him right back again.

He smiled sadly. "Mikes?"

Mikey looked up, frowning. "I told you not to-"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry. I know. I'm sorry." He felt prickling behind his eyes.

His brother seemed confused. "What is it?"

He shifted his eyes away. "I... Uhm, listen, Mikey," he started. "There's something I want to tell you. I already talked about it with Mom and Dad, so it's pretty much set in stone, but I want you to know, uhm, _before_ it happens, and I-"

Mikey watched him with unease. "Get to the point, Gerard," he said impatiently, "what do you want?"

"I'm gonna move out."

Mikey was silent.

Gerard blinked the prickling away.

Mikey put his phone away. He leaned forward on the table between them. "You're _what?_ "

Gerard tried to swallow down the anxiety, but it was coming in waves. "I'm moving to New York. Brooklyn probably."

"You're moving to Brooklyn, and I'm the last person to know?" Mikey asked calmly.

"No," Gerard hurried to say, "no, you're not-"

"Who else didn't know, then?" Mikey interrupted.

"What?"

" _Who else?"_ he pressed. The calm was fading. He was furious.

"I ... I..." Gerard stuttered. He felt lost and like he was one fighting an army.

"You, you, it's always about you, isn't it?" Mikey growled. Then he leaned back and asked, in a tight voice, "When?"

Quietly Gerard said, "Next month."

Mikey stood up and left the coffee shop without looking back.

He couldn't win a fight against his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im actually rly glad i finally wrote the end for this? cause now it only gets happier cause mikey aint in it anymore sry @mikey i love u i just cant help making u the butthole


	3. Orange Toast

Tuesday means Theory and Project.

For Frank that means aperture, shutter speed, ISO.

For Gerard that means Blue, Red, Yellow, square, triangle, circle.

For both it means that by noon, they're fucking done with everything.

 

His face was smushed against Frank's chest where they lay in the dirt outside. The ground was damp but Frank, as usual, hadn't really cared as he fell into himself on the grass below the birch tree.

Gerard's intention was actually to fall down next to him, but ending up on top wasn't that bad either. He was too lazy to move away anyway.

"Effie...," he mumbled into Frank's hoodie.

"What?" came the slurred reply.

"I want to diiee," he whined.

"Same."

"I don't think I can live like this anymore."

"Same."

"I crave the sweet embrace of death."

"Uh-hu."

Gerard's nose itched. He rubbed his face into Frank's hoodie until it went away. "What time is it?" he asked, cause he had to be back in class by 45.

"I don't know. And care. I don't do that either," Frank replied. He put the arm that wasn't lying on Gerard's back up over his eyes.

Gerard heaved a sigh. "What are you guys doing now?"

Frank shrugged. Gerard shook along. "Something about nature here in the city."

"You gonna go out?"

"Probably."

"I'm so jealous," Gerard said. He physically couldn't sit around in that classroom for another three hours. "I think I'll skip and come with you."

"Okay then," Frank answered, and added, "Tell someone to cover you though."

 

Caitlyn promised to cover him if he took her out for lunch the next day, to which he happily agreed.

She's a nice girl, clever and witty and she's really pretty as well. There are worse people to have lunch with.

They went to the smoothie bar at the mall and she ate her scrambled eggs with some kind of tofu steak while he was munching on his orange toast. They were talking paper bridges, photography, cinema. Caitlyn laughed when he told her about his favourite horror movies, she said "Fits you." She preferred series to films because she likes extended storylines. He needs a plot as compact and well composed as possible - that way there isn't time for unnecessary romances.

"You don't like romances?" she asked, and he answered,

"I don't like movie kisses. I always feel like there are a few frames that are just ... missing."

Caitlyn nodded. She seemed to think for a moment before she said, "I saw you at Culture last week."

Gerards heart sank, but he tried to keep his relaxed smile. "Oh?"

"Yeah, uhm, I wanted to say Hi, but then I saw that you had company," she explained. "I'm sorry, is this too personal?"

Gerard shook his head, even though he really didn't want to think about it. "No, it's okay," he said despite himself, "we met in public after all, didn't we?"

She leaned forward. "Was that your boyfriend?" he asked. "Like, I'm not trying to pry or anything, but you looked like you wanted to cry and he seemed like a dick. I'm just asking, you know? I was a bit shocked. Is everything alright?"

Gerard stared at her. "That, uhm," he coughed slightly, "that wasn't my boyfriend, don't worry. That was my brother." He shook his head.

Caitlyn snorted. "Well, okay then, your brother seems like a dick."

He blinked. "Uhm, I guess?"

She froze. "Oh, I'm sorry, Gerard, I didn't want to be rude."

He shrugged. She bit her lip.

"Hey," she said then, "did you see _Civil War_ _?_ "


	4. Flower Dress

The train was almost empty.

The dew that had collected over night ran down the windows everytime the wagon leaned a bit to the right.

The sun was blinking through the trees they passed, and a few lavender clouds were sprinkled over the sky. The city lay still and calm beneath them. It glowed in golden morning light. The grass was white with frost. Cherry blossoms glittered in the sun as they fell. The river looked smooth. In the distance, the hills were surrounded by mist.

He watched the shadow of his hand dance on the wall beneath the window next to him. The sun was blinding, but it felt good.

The train was quiet. Everyone seemed to feel it.

They passed wide fields of grass covered in dew, glistening. He could see the moon. It was huge, soft white on baby blue sky.

The train slowed down and stopped at a station. The tall offices looked old and empty.

A _huge_ fucking group of people entered.

Emerging out of the stream of people looking for a place to sit, Frank fell into the seat next to him. "Dude," he gasped, "dude, I'm dying, I'm literally dying."

Gerard looked at him. His face was pink, his lip was split and he wheezed like he ran a marathon. "Why now?" he asked.

"I saw this lady, and she was gorgeous, and I fucking tripped and fell on my face," he babbled, his voice almost stumbling over itself.

"Wait, what? Slow down a bit, would you?"

Frank burried his face in his hands, rubbed his eyes and lets out a long, agonized groan. "Well," he said then and threw his head back against the seat. "I was _just_ going on with my day, taking the stairs up to the station like always, ready to plant myself right here next to you, when I saw this girl, like, there was literally a ray of light right on her, and she was wearing a dress with flowers on it, and she looked so _cute_ and then she looked at me and it was literally, like," he drew in a deep breath, "like someone fucking punched me in the teeth and I tripped on the last stair and fucking fell onto my fucking face _right at her feet_ ," he rambled, and Gerard couldn't help but grin because of how _red_ he was turning.

"How romantic," he replied.

Frank shot him an irritated look before turning away, looking down the train aisle. Then he lowered his eyes. Then he looked back at Gerard. "Have you ever wanted to kiss a girl, even though you didn't even know her?" he asked quietly.

Gerard watched him fidget for a moment before he said, "Has anybody not?"

Frank's eyes were soft. Some kid a few rows back turned on some rap song on full volume. A girl screamed and a few kids laughed. Frank leaned his head on Gerard's shoulder and sighed.


	5. Ocean Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish i could say smth important about why i didnt update sooner like exams or stress or anything but rly ive just been playing a lot of stardew valley lmao

Paper cuts and band aids stained with paint are a Wednesday ritual.

After sitting hunched over a fragile paper construction of a bridge for one and a half hour it's not that much of a relief to sit hunched over a sketchbook and a canvas for another three hours. It sucks, actually. And it hurts.

He wants to cry. At least it _fuels his art_ , he thinks.

The last break must have had started because suddenly Frank was sitting next to him and holding his shaking hands.

Frank's fingertips were calloused from working on a keyboard all day.

Gerard drew in a shaky breath. Tears burned behind his eyes, but they weren't coming out just yet.

Frank's eyes looked as red as he felt.

"Come on, Jerry, let's go to the bathroom."

Gerard let Frank help him up and carry his backpack for him. The bathroom was empty, dark and cool - someone had pulled the cheap blinds down on the single window.

He didn't care. His back hurt and his stomach and his knees felt like jelly and he couldn't see-

Frank caught him by the arm before he could fall over and brain himself on the urinals. "Slow down, slow down, we got time," Frank said, "You've got time, Gerard. Come on, sit down, right here," he said and guided him down to lean against the wall.

Gerard felt like exploding and imploding all at once.

He's gonna throw up. He's gonna fall apart. He's gonna _die_ -

"I don't want to die, Frank," he said and suddenly the tears were coming like a flood. "I don't want to die," he cried again, "I don't- I'm so scared, I'm gonna die, it's _over,_ I don't want to-"

"You're not gonna die, Jerry, you're not dying," Frank was saying and his voice sounded like ocean waves. "You're right here, Gerard, look at me, come on."

Frank's hand cupped his cheek and his rough fingers were gently wiping away the tears, again and again and again. Gerard looked up at the bloodshot eyes that seemed to mirror the burning in his stomach so exactly. "I feel so- so red," he sobbed and the strain in his shoulders just got worse with every breath he took.

Frank smiled sadly. "That's not nice."

"No, I hate it."

"I know." Frank pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm here for you, you know that, right?"

Gerard nodded.

"You're not gonna die, you hear me? You're not gonna die. Do you trust me?"

He nodded again. "I do. I do."

 

It was warm and soft and he heard birds chirping outside.

He pulled his legs up to his stomach. He felt safe.

Gerard opened his eyes slowly. The empty room was illuminated by morning sunlight that shone through the window behind him. He felt it on his back.

Frank was lying on the mattress next to him, turned away from the sun like he was himself. His blanket seemd to have fallen off completely. Gerard could see the shadows on his side shift with every breath. Frank's hair was sticking up and down as it pleased, like it came alive overnight and tried to find a good position to sleep in, too.

Gerard felt his stomach shift and his fingers ache, and he felt at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> leave me kudos(and comments???? maybe) so i know its real


End file.
